I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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