I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
