Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize