remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
