Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize