from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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