this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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