At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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