she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
it's like iHOP with fire
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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