We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
