I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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