Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
