I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
