Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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