True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize