Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
