Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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