I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
