totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
