It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
