how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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