i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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