I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
