I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
