then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just found puke in my bra..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
