Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
