Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
