then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
