yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Nicole vs. Life
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
