he puts the penis in happiness.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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