i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
