When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i out mim tonsoeep
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