Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
