i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm getting married
To pizza
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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