So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
