Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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