alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
