that's an acceptable place to lick
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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