No period for spring break; use this wisely.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
