This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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