Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
