I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize