He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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