My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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