i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
