Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
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