I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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