Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize