theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
