If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
