It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
