Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
