Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
