My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She swung at the pinata with crutches
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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