It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm both gender and math confused
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
