I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
