we have officially lost it.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
