And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My liver just had a heart attack.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
