Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
