Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize