I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Who died my cat blue again?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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