I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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