Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
